I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize