Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
