Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
