I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
