we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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