this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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