He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
