yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
