we have pet lesbian snakes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
