Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
