I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
