Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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