i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
