Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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