Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
