Have you finally orgasmed yet?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
