I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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