Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
