Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
