Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
