Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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