I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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