A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
