i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
