you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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