apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize