Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
