At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
