I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
