can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
