Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
