FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
