I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
