he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
