I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
