That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
