If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
