Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
