Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
