Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
