Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You smell like stripper and shame
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
3 2 1 whiskey
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
