Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i love accidental penises.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
