Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
