Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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