I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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