and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize