We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
