Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I believe in your delicious
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize