Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
