don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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