Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
