meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
