I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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