I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
