You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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