dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
