I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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