then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
