you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
