the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
