Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.

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(206): View more from Washington

Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?

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(406): View more from Montana

It tasted better than Jesus's hair.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.

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