Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And then he peed in my hair
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