The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
