He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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