For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
