You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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