Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize