the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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