the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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