they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
