So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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